The beginning of …. Me
July 09th 2007………my first blog! some would say it’s high time, others: “Man your life makes me sorry ya? you have to resort to internet to vent your feelings”. I’ d say its a bit of both………after all computers r sooo much better than humans…..less judgemental, more docile, less complicated, more mundane……..
So where do i start … i think its safest to start from a couple of months ago coz if i go back (like way back) there’s nothing really to share…..no acheivements…….nothing exciting……..blah blah………i guess the greatest regret i have from all those years is that i never really cared enough for things that mattered the most…………relationships! Was never really “a nice person”. And the result: “im 22, stuck in a deadend job, with people that remind me of myself sometime ago” now that I have changed, i look at them and realize “oh how absolutely aweful i must’ve been”.
You know they say : “When u change or you make a vow to God, that you will change for the better……….somehow all the things around you start cajoling you into that state.” I think the saddest part is……….i ran after the wrong things……..everything material and yet like some lucky people……….the harder i tried the more i failed…….the more desperate i got to achieve, the further seemed to be my destiny……….n then one day i found myself strapped and incapacitated……….unable to do all the things i always took granted for……….
That is when is suddenly occured to me………..i never got anything nice from the world, because i never gave anything worthwhile in the first place………..and the evidence for the theory……….the moment i changed ……. i met someone so unbelievably nice ……… that i really cant figure out another word (even checked the thesaurus)
This world is what you expect of it…………….yes im still very disappointed in myself……i feel like a failure as far as my career is concerned but then……..mabe i have it all wrong………maybe this doesn’t really matter………maybe this life is too short………..maybe im not ready for the career challengee…….maybe this is a neverending pursuit, the more you acheive, the more the competition……….maybe ive been trying too hard to please the wrong people……..maybe it is NOt about money all the time……….it certainly isn’t because how else would u get an offer to spend time with someone across the world…..without any strings attached…………just because we share life and we have fun and we matter so much to each other…………imagine a series of events changing your paradigm all together………some may say im burnt that is why i say all this……..maybe but who the hell cares?????????
If this is how i will become less obsessive, less self-involved, less selfish ……….. then be it!!!!!! ive spent 21 years like this…….and iv had enuf………maybe i’ll have to give up all ive earned during this time……..to start afresh……….n it will hurt and there will be times of regret…………but i beleive it will pay off………it has to……….it will just have to!
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